REDNECK JOKES

You own a home that is mobile and five cars that aren't.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

What do a hurricane, a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? Somebody is going to lose a mobile home!

Home repairs include rotating the tires on your trailer.

You consider new hub-caps to be a home improvement.

You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.

Your bicycle has a gun rack.

Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

You refer to the time that you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."

The tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.

When you remove all the empty beer cans from your car, you find it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon.

When you run out of gas, you pee in the gas tank.

You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty beer can in the car.

On your first date, you had to ask your dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

You need a ladder to climb into your four wheel drive.

You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Your truck is taller than your house.

You ever rolled your riding lawn mower.

You've ever been arrested on an obscene mud-flap charge.

The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.

One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.

You go into a liquor store and come out with all of your Christmas shopping done.

Your Christmas tree is still up in April.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.

Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You are having marital problems because your wife won't let you win at arm wrestling.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

Your wife has more children than teeth.

Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your dead hunting dog has a bigger headstone than your mother.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You've ever claimed your dog as a dependent on your income tax.

You've ever named a child after a dog.

Your "huntin' dawg" cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

When you walk your dog you both use the same tree down on the corner.

Your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.

You sit up all night with a sick dog, but make your wife stay up with a sick kid.

You share your beer with the dog.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

Your checks have pictures of dogs fighting.

Every time a neighbor's dog disappears, you have a Bar-B-Q.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.

Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.

You can't get married to your sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it.

Your kid calls you "Uncle Daddy".

After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".

You ever called your sister "Mom" and didn't have to correct yourself.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You might be a redneck if you have 5 cars parked in the yard and still walk to work.

You might be a redneck if you use a Wal-Mart bag as your briefcase.

You might be a redneck if you use last nights leftovers for fish bait.

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